World Mental Health Day 2022 - Recovery Stories

My mental health journey began at an extremely young age. At just 18 months I began displaying unusually forward behaviour. As I got older, I was excelling faster than normal for my age, and other worrying traits emerged. I began pulling my own hair out and also had intolerance for my clothing. I couldn’t wear certain clothes unless they were inside out, otherwise I would scream because of my heightened awareness to the feel on my skin.

When I was six-years-old I was finally diagnosed with trichotillomania, a stress disorder which makes you pull out your own hair out. The previous hair tugging made so much sense after this diagnosis!

However, over the years, things continued to get worse. I was being bullied at school and my mental health was vastly declining. One of my worst episodes was when I was in Year 9. I was in maths class and I had this almighty panic attack and went into sensory overload. I felt like I wanted to physically insert myself into my classroom wall to disappear. I was frantic, desperately asking for help, whilst my friends and teachers just looked at me telling me to calm down. It was after this I pleaded to see a doctor.

After months of assessments I was finally diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism – it was a great feeling to put things into perspective and be able to feel heard and slightly understood. Following that, I was then diagnosed with Extreme Anxiety, Reactive Depression and Tic Disorder. When we explored the conditions everything began falling into place. How I used to feel in my younger years made sense, with all my sensitivities to certain things.

My mum’s original reaction to my diagnosis was confusion. She had thought both my childhood and then teenage struggles were just ‘toddler tantrums’ and then ‘puberty’ until the doctors confirmed otherwise. Diagnosis was the light at the end of the tunnel because it enabled me and others around me to realise my struggles were genuine and not just passed off as me ‘being silly’. Previously, my teachers’ reactions were less than supportive and really made me question my own struggles and experiences. I thought I was going mad! 

I then began treatment. I had many sessions with my first psychologist where we explored my past struggles from birth to now. She also pushed for me to become home-schooled which was a huge relief! I cannot thank her enough for helping me to understand myself. Suggesting I read books like ‘Aspergirls’ so that I could identify any similarities. It was amazing to feel like my life was being written on paper but by someone else. Eventually, I started ‘mental health sessions’ where we spoke about my feelings and tried to understand my triggers, discuss preventative methods and also self-help and self-care. With the guidance and validity from my mental health nurse I learned I could only be my best self, once I helped myself. A year later I was discharged!

I look at my life with a mental health diagnosis right now as being a beautiful story of pain, struggle, acceptance, discovery, growth and light.

I have become the person I am today because of my past and present struggles.

Without them I wouldn’t be as strong, resilient and quirky. My desire and passion to help others stems from my own hardships and I thank each and every one of my downfalls for making me a compassionate human being, with the intent to change the world! If I can get through it, anyone can and I won’t stop until I can make a positive difference to the world!

My name is Jessica and I’m a Peer Support Worker with Forward Thinking Birmingham’s (FTB) Specialist Eating Disorder Service (SEDS). I am also training part-time to be a therapist/counsellor. I am very passionate about helping others with their mental health. I am also interested in how we can use creative means to express ourselves and improve our general wellbeing – whether through music, art, dance, writing, or any other form of creative expression.

My difficulties with mental health started when I was about 12-13 years old, after my mum sadly died. When my mum passed away, I tried very hard to be there for the rest of my family and probably didn’t face my own grief until much later. This led to a decline in my mental health during my teenage years, where I struggled with anxiety, depression, self-harm, and developed an eating disorder. For me, a lot of my eating disorder behaviours were my way of coping with all the overwhelming feelings I was having at the time. When I was about 15, I was referred to CAMHS and started receiving professional support to recover. I found recovery really scary at first. However, after a while, I got used to the idea of regaining a healthy relationship with food. A huge motivator for me was getting better so I could help other people – which I feel proud to be able to do now. Another motivator was being able to dance again (I used to do ballet when I was younger). Thankfully, after some years of hard work and support, I recovered from my eating disorder and learned new, healthier ways of dealing with difficult feelings.

Another huge part of my recovery was learning to show myself compassion.

My motivations changed from just wanting to be well enough to help others, but to do the things I used to enjoy but had little energy for, and to live a better, healthier life. I feel so grateful for all the amazing support I have received from friends and family. Based on my experience of counselling and other treatment with CAMHS, I’ve now become interested in Mindfulness and Psychology, and even studied Psychology & Counselling at university. This has led me on the path I’m on today, where I’m finishing my training to be a therapist/counsellor and working with FTB as a Peer Support Worker.

Learning to take care of yourself and show yourself compassion is so key for recovery and growth. As is finding who you are, what makes up your hopes and dreams, your passions and interests – finding yourself again. And if that takes some time, that’s okay – there’s no time limit on recovery and no time limit on finding ‘you’.